I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
