You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I can't turn off my feet"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
