Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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