R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
