its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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