And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Randomize
