I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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