Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
