New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
