U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Randomize
