ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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