Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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