Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
