PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
