fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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