i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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