So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
the liver wants what the liver wants
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
