She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
