I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize
