Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
