you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
