Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
