it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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