somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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