Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
