Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
