can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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