I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
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I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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