How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
