Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
