I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
