so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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