Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm sobbing to NWA
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
