considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
