i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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