totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
operation have a gay friend backfired
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
