You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
