I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
