Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
