she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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