my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
