so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
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That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
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He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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