Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
