He is an equal opportunity slut.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize