Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Well I just put wine in my tea
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
