i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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