yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
