Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
