when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
