apparently the secret to your success is patron
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
