we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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