so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
