note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
