i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
