At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
