I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
And then he peed in my hair
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