i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
