First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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