you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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