Will you blow on my dice?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize