My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
