I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Apparently you make a good broom.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
