piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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